How to Tell Your Children That You Can’t Afford Something

 

As a parent, you never want to say no to your children when they ask you to buy them something or take them somewhere. But for many families, mounting financial pressures can sometimes mean that giving them what they want isn’t always within your budget. With rising living costs and things becoming generally more expensive, even when you want to treat your kids, you may still need to find a way to say ‘no’ to avoid overspending and getting yourself into financial difficulties.

So, what’s the best way to handle these conversations? While you might need to switch up your approach based on how old they are, we’ve gathered some helpful advice to guide the discussion.

How to tell your child you can’t afford something that they want

Whether your kids have asked for a new toy, want the latest gadget or there’s an expensive school trip they’d like to go on, if you can’t afford whatever they’re asking for, you’ll need to be prepared to say ‘no’ in a way that they’ll understand.

Avoid overly emotional language

Keep your language simple when you’re turning down their request. Steer clear of emotive, heavy or over-complicated wording and instead focus on making sure they can easily understand what you mean.

Try to avoid dismissive phrases like ‘money doesn’t grow on trees’ or ‘we’re not made of money’. Taking this approach when talking about money, even just in general, can make your child feel like you’re angry at them for asking or feel stupid for asking.

Instead, simply say ‘no’ and if you feel that they’re old enough to understand, you can explain that you can’t afford it right now. The explanation can be as straightforward as saying ‘we can’t afford to buy this’ or ‘we don’t have the money spare to buy this’. You should also be sure to let them know that while they might have to wait for what they want at times, you’re still interested in what they like and it’s always okay to ask.

Be calm and firm

While the goal is to never make them feel bad for asking for anything, you’ll want to take a calm, firm and fair approach when saying ‘no’ because you can’t afford it. If it isn’t something you’d be able to buy or take them to in the future, you’ll need to tell them this and explain this in the simplest terms.

Say your child has asked you to take them to a theme park but the tickets aren’t affordable within your usual budget, you’ll need to say something like ‘we can’t go there because the tickets would cost [x amount] and we won’t be able to afford that’. This means they’ll have a clear answer to their request and should understand why it’s not possible to get what they want. Staying calm during this interaction should help, especially if they become emotional because the answer is ‘no’. Let them know that it’s okay to be a little upset that they can’t have what they wanted, while still making sure they know that it’s still a ‘no’ regardless of their reaction.

Suggest other ways for them to get what they want

You could suggest other ways for them to get what they want, such as saving up for it themselves with pocket money or adding it to a birthday or Christmas gift wish list. A plan could also be made for them to save up over the coming weeks or months and then you would contribute the remaining to cover the cost.

For example, if your child has asked for a new game that costs £40 and you give them £5 a week in pocket money, you could suggest that they save this for the next 8 weeks. Or, if you’re able to contribute £10 towards the cost, this would mean that the game could be bought and enjoyed 2 weeks sooner.

For more expensive items or experiences that you can’t afford right now, but that could be bought with a bit more time to save up, you can suggest that your kids add these to wish lists. This will show them that you’re listening when they ask for things and can also teach them patience.

Offer alternatives

Sometimes, a cheaper alternative may be available within your budget. It’s worth having a quick check online or in shops that might stock it and then offering this to your child. This way, they can still have what they want, but with a more affordable price tag.

An example would be if your child is asking for a high-end device like a laptop or tablet. Cheaper options for these might be available, so it’s worth finding one with similar features and asking if they’d be happy with it. In some cases, you could even ask them to find one that’s cheaper themselves. This shows them that you’re trying to meet them in the middle and lets them know that affordability is a big part of why they can’t have what they wanted originally.

 

Be consistent

If your approach works well, you should try to stay consistent in the future. This is especially important if you have multiple children since you’ll want to balance things out between them. Being fair, consistent and clear anytime your kids ask for something and you can’t afford it can help teach them the value of money, and they might even grow to appreciate it more when the answer is ‘yes’.

Is giving pocket money a good idea?

Giving children their own money can help them make their own choices on how to spend it and can teach them personal responsibility for these financial decisions. If they regret buying something, for instance, they’ll learn for next time. Pocket money also allows kids to manage their money for going out with their friends. Whether they’re going to the cinema, restaurants or shopping, this can be good practice for when they’re older and need to budget for balancing a social life with bills.

However, it’s important not to overdo it with the spending money and again, stay consistent. Make sure the amount you’re giving your child is age-appropriate and if they ask for more money because they’ve run out, try to work with them to make sure they’re being responsible with it.

You should also never feel bad if giving pocket money to your child isn’t possible. It isn’t something that you necessarily have to do and should only be given if you have the spare cash. If this would put you in a bad financial situation, you shouldn’t feel any pressure to give it to them on a regular basis.

Resources: support for when you may be struggling financially

Experiencing a tough time financially? You’re not alone. The open resources below can help, whether you’re struggling with debt or simply want somebody to talk to about your financial situation.

MoneyHelper

MoneyHelper is a government-backed service offering free and impartial financial guidance, tools and support options to help you get your money back on track. 

National Debtline

National Debtline is an independent advice charity offering free and trusted debt advice. Whether you prefer to call, chat online or access their digital advice tool, you can use their services to help you feel supported with your debt worries.

StepChange

Unsure of where to begin with your money concerns? StepChange can step in and help with their impartial and confidential advice and support.

National Support Network

Find support for your money issues quickly and simply with the National Support Network. They can help guide you in the right direction depending on your needs.

Here at UK Debt Service, we’re members of the National Support Network who are dedicated to providing everyone with accessible tailored support. We believe that signposting for this support is crucial and you can learn more about how our partnership supports this here.

Whether you dread saying ‘no’ to the kids when they ask for something unaffordable or want to avoid instilling a negative money mindset when you’re explaining why you can’t buy them something, we hope this advice can help.

If you’re struggling with debt, speak to a member of our team. We may be able to help you understand all options available based on your individual circumstances.